Sidious Maul Shopping

My oldest son, Ike, and I found this great new store last night:

Sorry for the blurry image, but the dark side of the force makes it hard to focus except for when you're really angry, and, as you can plainly see, this marketplace belongs to the Sith.

The place is incredible.  The doors even open through use of the force.  I used my two fingers and beckoned the doors to open, Obi-wan style.  Ike, all Vader like, just walked through.

The Sith's Marketplace motto is "only a sith deals in absolutes, and here you get a deal on absolute-ly everything!"  It's true.  Everything is buy-one-get-one free because "always two there are."

The store's sheer potency is intoxicating (I'm not talking about the adult beverage aisle, which is literally intoxicating due more to alcohol than sheer potency).

I found myself feeling rather powerful, and I wanted to demonstrate that power by cutting off Ike's hand.  I didn't do it, but if I had, the electronics area--back behind the droids--has replacement hands.  They only come in black though, which is weird given the season.


Walking up and down the aisles I kept feeling like I should reveal things.  Things like:

1. Paternity.  "Ike, I am your father."
2. Revenge plans.  "At last we will reveal ourselves to the check-out staff, at last we will have our revenge."
3. Allies.  "Fear is my ally."
4. How operational things are.  "Now, witness the power of this fully operational jelly doughnut."
5. Paternity again.  "There is another...a sister...you'll need to share this pack of gum with her."


Ike kept commenting on the "at-long-last completeness" of things. For example :

Pointing at a hula hoop. "at long last, the circle is now complete."
Pointing at a stock boy putting together a model train display, "at long last your train...ing is nearly complete."
Walking to a corner of the store where a light was burned out, "at long last our journey to the dark side is complete."


They didn't have the milk and eggs (or the droids) we were looking for, but it was still worth the trip because we were low on red-bladed lightsabers, black capes and robes, and absolutes, so we picked some up.  We also picked up a galaxy far, far away where Ike and I, with our purchases complete, at long last will rule... and... we... shall... have... peace.