Different Things to Different People, That's What.

Hi,

It's no secret that my Mom's side of the family, the Schmalleys, are legion.  No, I'm not saying that they are demons that should be cast into swine and drown in the sea (but, if the shoe fits).  What I mean is that there are a ton of them.  Grandpa and Grandma Schmalley had ten kids(!) and each of those kids had 7.5 kids of their own.  And so on, and so on.  

If you do the math correctly, you will discover that I have 74 first cousins on that side of my family. If you do the math incorrectly, there is no telling what you'll come up with, but unless you are really bad at math it will probably be close to 75.  This figure does not count the 120 first cousins once removed, or any of their spouses (although it's possible that some of them are married to each other).  Like I said, LEGION.

So, when I was a kid we'd go to family reunions where every family would have to write words to the song "Happiness Is."  You may not be familiar with this song.  I only know it from the Schmalley reunions--it's not on youtube or I would post it.  Come to think of it, I actually have no idea if my memory of the song is in the least bit accurate.  Don't worry, accuracy has never been a strong point of this particular blog.

Anyway, each of the ten families would have to rewrite the words to the song in order to explain what happiness was to each of that family's family members.  For example, and I'm just making this up:

"To Tommy, it's a punch in the gut; to Susan, it's a slap on the butt;
to Mikey, it's the booze that he drank, to Devin it's a night in the 'tank'."

So on and so forth.

Then, at some point during the reunion, we'd have to get up and sing the song as a family in front of all the other miserable families who also had to do it too...as well.  (Grandma made us do it; she was never tried for her crimes).

Each of us systematically had our personalities boiled down to one item of happiness that had to rhyme with one of our sibling's items of happiness.  And, of course, the family reunion would slog on and on, the same melody ringing through the air.  I don't know what Hell is like, but I may know the soundtrack.

Here is a version that my family may have sung at one point:

"Happiness is (cha, cha, cha), happiness is (cha, cha, cha)
different things to different people, that's what happiness is.
For Schmoland, it is fresh mustache wax, for Schmargaret it's the phrase 'battle axe,'
For Schmim Scrubs, the color maroon, for Schmobert it's the act of  'buffoon.'
For Schmathie Jaffra spatulas and cards, for Schmobin it's a night with the Bard,
For Schmon it is metal-band hair, for Schmrian it's his pink underwear (he'll show it to you ... or else).
For Schmotty it's a ball of some kind, for Skicky (one of my actual nicknames) it's his tiny behind.
For Schmana it's the end of our song..."

You'd awkwardly end when you were out of children to name.

I had never noticed until this moment that my parents has given us all S names.

Here's to happiness.





Here is a TED talk on happiness.  I like it. Enjoy.