What's a Meta For?

Similes are like metaphors that don't trust you to get it. For example, you could say that carpet IS a lawn for your living room and someone might say, "I don't get it." But, if you say carpet is LIKE a lawn for your living room it's easier for a non-getter to "get," because it's LIKE the thing that it's like. It isn't it, but it's liiiike. After they "get it," they are then free to say, "hey, buddy, my grandma has a lawn in her living room, and I don't think you're funny at all."


The point is, I like similes like I like liking stuff that I like. So I have prepared a list of similes that will likely never make it into literary realms, but will at least kill a couple of minutes like a hunter kills his neighbors, I mean, prey.



The high fives were like mini handshakes, in the air.


Jake threw head butts like punches without hands.


Charles' elbows functioned like knees, knees for his arms.


Gabriella's eyes took in the action like her ears take in sounds, but these ears were for seeing instead of listening.


The drinking cup was like a small glass.


The light bulbs glowed like little glass balls with electrically charged, glowing wires inside of them.


The table was like a horse in that it had four legs and was brown and could run really fast.


The number six sat there like an upside-down nine, but stupider.


The goose was like the gander, but more female.


The pencil wrote like a slightly less-permanent version of a pen.


The pot was exactly like a small garbage can filled with stew.


The letter O felt like a Q, maybe because of the tail that had spontaneously sprouted from its nether regions.


The green crayon was like a blue crayon, moodwise.


The spring felt like a coil of wire designed to bounce.


Mike's laughter sounded like crying, but way happier.


The spoon was like a fork that was more confident with liquids.


Carla felt like a feminized version of Carl, namewise.


The ice cube was like a small block of frozen water.


Giovanni's laughter was like medicine, medicine administered by a very funny doctor.


Their leaping was like intense jumping.


Freddie's pants were split like congress during an election year, but with fewer bum sightings.


And finally, reading this list has wasted your time just like the writer of this list, who sat in front of his computer coming up with silly similes, wasted his. I am like an apology--sorry.



The End.