8 Simple Rules for Public Discourse in Social Media: a Primer

I have got to say it: I'm tired of the rancor and bitter exchange that makes up most of our public discourse these days. For some reason we feel compelled, in our social media, to entrench ourselves in one ideology or another, and we refuse to admit that there just might be some validity to others' closely held, opposite argument(s).

Facebook, once a wonderful way to connect with old friends and acquaintances has devolved to a slog of memes and ideology. I don't get it. I want to hear what you're up to, not what you think about the current political situation, my religion, kids these days, or some poorly written quote that has been mis-attributed to Bill Cosby or George Carlin.

So, I've come up with a list of 8 rules that I think will help make our social media experience a more pleasant one.

1. Sarcasm is very difficult to pull off without body language, facial cues, and voice inflection, so sincere posts are preferable to sarcastic posts.

2. Condescension is magnified in social media. If you even remotely hint at being better than someone else, it is noticed, and you come off looking like a jerk. This is because, no matter how much better than someone else you are, you are not better than anyone else. We all come in naked and screaming, and we all eventually go out--if we're lucky we'll be naked and screaming.

3. Humor is fine; however, humor directed at any particular group is probably not fine. Be funny without ridiculing people.  Remember, humor is very subjective.  No matter what you post, some will not find it funny.  At the very least it can be nice.

4.  For every negative-toned post you throw into the ether, you should post three positive-toned posts. That way people who only interact with you through social media won't think of you as an Eeyore type.

5. Long stories about your kids should be put in an email and sent to your mother, she is the only one who cares to read a long story about your kids. Short stories about your kids are fine. Here is the best format to follow:

Kid: Blah, blah, something hilarious.
Parent: *Reaction*

6. Too many selfies will negatively affect your reputation.

7. Don't swear in your posts and don't forward posts with swears in them.  My kids get on my computer, and it makes you look desperate for attention.

8. (This rule is only for the meme forwarding crowd): Limit the number of memes you re-post to ten percent of what you think is appropriate (that means you do not post nine of ten memes that you think you ought to post). Originality is better than repeating other people's tired, sometimes plagiarized, motivational posters.

 That's all.

Inventory for 2013

Wow!  What a year for the Murgotts family.  Murgotts is how most of my kids pronounced our last name for the first while after they learned to speak, so Murgotts it is.  Here is a list of the main things that happened in 2013.

We had a baby (and it's head popped off!)!, which is one of the many dandelion-based games we played this year.  We also had a baby whose head did not pop off.  We called him Toby.  He is very smiley, but like most Tobys he insists that his name is Kunta Kinte.  His birth was chronicled here as was the initial telling of the Kunta Kinte joke.

We moved into a new home in a new neighborhood. I wrote about the move here.

We, Lady Buffington and I, celebrated 20 years since graduating from Schmigh Schmool about which this post is written.


I didn't write as much this year as in years past.  I'm not sure what this can be attributed to; perhaps it was laziness, busy-ness, business, lazy-ness, or lack of things to say.  Whatever the case there was a four-and-a-half month gap in writing this year, which started immediately after July, the month in which this blog recorded a record number of views/hits.

My personal favorite posts this year involved blasphemy, stores, another store, and the tooth fairy.

I also got mad about politics and religion, and pitched a sitcom about a roof raiser.

Finally, I posted some Christmas videos, talked briefly about my brother who died this year, and listed things that come in sets of twelve.

Thanks for reading Mom!

Happy New Year!

When Christmas Comes to Town

Ike and Mimi practicing for the family Christmas party. 

Listen for Kitty on a jingle bell (she's playing them to demonstrate Santa's sleigh bells) and Cubby's maniacal laughter at the end is awesome. 

Merry Christmas!

Merry Catsmas

Just in case you missed it, the group I sing with, Voice Male, made this video for the holiday season.  The idea was to take the concept behind two popular internet ideas and squish them together.

First, we wanted to make the overall video feel like awkward family photos.  If you are not familiar with these, here is an address: http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/.  Let me warn you, many of the photos on this site are disconcerting and uncomfortable, and therefore hilarious.  

Second, we know how internet cat videos are exceptionally popular.  We also have a thing we do in our Christmas concerts that we lovingly call Carol of the Smells where we sing Carol of the Bells with the sounds of various animals, most often cats.  

Not long after we released the video, KSL--a local TV station--found it and posted it on the ksl.com website.  Here is what they said,

SALT LAKE CITY — The Internet is basically controlled by cat videos — you've undoubtedly seen at least one cat-related video in your lifetime. However, if you haven't, there is one cat video that you should probably check out.

From the local vocal group Voice Male comes an awkward, but oddly delightful, music video called "Carol of the Smells."

While you may think a music video called "Carol of the Smells" would involve some sort of parody about bad smells, you would be wrong. This is not a Weird Al music video.
Instead, you will be treated to a vocal rendition of cats — yes, cats. And it may be the most awkward thing you've seen for quite awhile. Who knows, though, maybe you're into it.
Fortunately for all involved, Voice Male knew what they were doing making this video … hopefully.

 I give you, Carol of the smells:

 And, in case you forgot, we did something similar last year.


 

Jon

I lost my brother in October.  I have tried to write about him several times, but have found it too hard.

The fact is he was too young to go (he would have turned 47 a few weeks after his accident).  He has a beautiful wife and three wonderful kids that are left without him, and then there are the rest of us who loved him.

His birthday was on Halloween, so, fittingly, my niece and nephew created a Jack-o-lantern in his image.

He, my brother, the cowboy/miner/biker was--and is--funny, caring, compassionate, smart, fiery, outgoing, and a friend to all.

My last interaction with him was on the golf course, where I shared a cart with him.  He made me laugh a lot that day, just like always.  

I miss him.

Tooth Fairy Decay

Dear Tooth Fairy, Sir or Madam:

I hope I am writing to the correct tooth fairy; the one assigned to the house on the corner of Schmern and Schmristos.  If not, will you please forward this message to whichever tooth fairy covers the greater Schmalt Schmake Schmity area.  Better yet, forward this to that fairy's supervisor.

I would like to complain.  The service has been less than stellar.  Of the 19 teeth that have come out of children's heads at our house only three have been exchanged for money on the first night that they were placed carefully under pillow.  Sixteen times the tooth has sat there under the pillow all night long.  I don't have to explain the disappointment this causes.  Children are not known for their patience and deep understanding when it comes to things they expect, and as a parent, I have to deal with the aftermath.

I understand that things happen and occasionally schedules don't work out like planned, but I think I should be able to count on a tooth fairy showing up more than 15 percent of the time.  If I did that at my work, someone would probably notice it, and that person would probably glare at me a lot without doing anything about it.  But, by golly I intend to glare and do something about this!

I appreciate the apology notes that have been left on nights two through seven.  However, if I'm being Frank--excuse me, I mean frank (Frank's a good guy, but why would I be him right now)--your apology notes look like the work of a 38-year-old man, chicken scratched as he kneels squinting at the counter of the bathroom trying to write like a fairy, but it's too dark to know exactly what the writing looks like or even what he is writing.  And besides, the notes are just one lousy excuse after another lousy excuse--how many fairy conventions does one tooth fairy have to attend in one year anyway?  And what's with the fancy spelling of  "Faerie."  Are we JM Barrie?

[Also, in your last apology note you told us your name, if you have a minute, could you remind me what that was?  I remember it was a series of five to seven words and there were some random objects in there.  It was a name that seemed like it was made up by a 38-year-old man kneeling in an un-lit bathroom scrawling a faerie note in the middle of the night, but obviously it wasn't that because it came from you.  So, remind me, what was your name again?  I need to know because Mimi lost the note with the name written on it, but she will remember, so if I ever have to know your name again, I'm going to need you to remind me.  I would ask Mimi, but I don't trust her to tell me the truth, for nefarious reasons that I won't disclose here.  It's a real lost 116 pages scenario.]

Anyway, start showing up or you're fired.  We will no longer give you our teeth.  Our teeth don't have to go under our pillows, you know.  We could carve them into trinkets, or tiny weapons, or jewelry, or tooth-related art and sell them, essentially eliminating the middle man, or the middle faerie as the case may be.

Good day sir or madam!  I said good day.


Wilson Culpepper

93, 93, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, 93: An Historical Retrospective.

I graduated from High School twenty years ago, in 1993.  Allow me to wax a little nostalgic about the "good ol' days."

1993 was a very prestigious year to graduate from high school.  There are tons of famous graduates.  Let me demonstrate with a series of pictures of class of '93 graduates:

So, I am a contemporary of Slater, Dylan, and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  I think this means that 1993 was the last year that anyone would buy the 30-year-old actors playing Seniors for the fifth straight year.


Also, these two were born the same week that I graduated from high school:

Other things that have happened since I graduated from high school.

• Bill Clinton finished his ...  

                ...fourth month as President of the United States.

• OJ Simpson reinvented what he is best known for (hint: it is not his athletic prowess)

• David Letterman moved to CBS

• The internet became...

               ...a thing

• NAFTA was signed.  I don't know what that means, but judging by the following photo, it must have been something to do with giant stereotypical North Americans fighting over a toy-laden quilt with North America embroidered on it.

• Hong Kong was reunited with China.

These pictures came up with a Google search of Hong Kong reunited with China. I assume that they are Trojan duckies that the UK sent to China in connection with the reunification.  I assume they were intended to be filled with those palace guards that aren't allowed to smile, but they all smiled at the idea of riding inside a giant rubber ducky and were fired, leaving the ducky empty and adrift in the ocean.  Later the ducky surfaced in New Zealand.

• They cloned a sheep named dolly, leading to the question will there be another ewe?  or you?