Hey,
Remember how I wrote a theme song for an internet podcast (see below)? Well, they used it. I guess they had several entries, and they used mine first (they are going to use all of them in rotation). I feel like a minor celebrity (e.g. George Lopez, the kid from Goonies, Taylor Lautner). Here is a link, in case you need proof: http://moviebs.cascadia.fm/. You'll find it on episode 58. Be warned there is a bit of the swearing (it does take place in Portland, where smart people swear like sailors and sailors swear like my mom when she is surprised or forced to sing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt over and over again).
That's not all. About a year-and-a-half ago, I did some voice-over work for the Mormon Channel, and this week they finally aired it. I have two lines of dialogue as Joseph Smith. My performance is not very good--I blame the director (because I am egotistical talent, and a bad performance could not posibly be my fault). You can check it out at the Mormon Channel radio station under the History of Hymns podcast. The podcast is good, my performance is not great, but it is less than two seconds of total air time, so it won't ruin your weekend.
So, as far as getting onto internet radio podcasts, this has been a pretty good week.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Trailer Trash
Last Thursday, as I was driving to Orem to "teach" my HR class at "UVU" (ironic quotes intentional and sort of rude), I had an idea. It was an idea that came as a response to something I had heard the week before. The something that I had heard the week before was from an internet radio podcast that I listen to occasionally. The podcast is called Movie BS with Bayer and Snider and is broadcast from Cascadia.fm, a Portland, Oregon-based internet radio station. Snider is a guy that was at BYU when I was there. He founded the Garrens and wrote for the school paper. Now he is a fairly well-known internet movie critic and 'blogger.
Anyway, on the podcast they mentioned that they would like a new theme song. The one they have now is an indi-rock sort of thing with clever rhyming schemes. They still like it, they said, but they wanted a new song. I thought at the time that if for some reason a good idea for a theme song happened upon me that I might try my hand at penning a song for them. I knew when the thought came that I had no intention of allowing any ideas, good or bad, to happen upon me.
But, on the following Thursday, while "driving," I had an idea. Movie BS with Bayer and Snider is a movie show...what if the theme song were a faux movie trailer? Oh, snap. A good idea for a theme song.
The next morning I went to work. I quickly composed about four measures of creepy, exciting-ie music, and then I pushed a couple of buttons to create a dance-beat rhythm with accompaniment (all in the key of D, well, b minor and D). I recorded it. It was about a minute and ten seconds long. Now, I just needed words. I thought about the typical movie trailer. I knew that I would definitely need to start with "in a world where...", but which world?
It occurred to me that the world could be the podcast itself. I compiled a mental list of what I knew of the show. That list included the following items:
1. Bayer's Scorecard Review website had experienced some run ins with Twilight fans, so called Twi-hards.
2. Snider had famously written a piece entitled "I Was a Junket Whore" that had gotten him in trouble with a movie studio.
3. Snider wears glasses.
4. Bayer is very tall.
5. They talk about movies.
6. The show's name has the initials BS in it.
7. Snider is occasionally chided for talking about film festivals he's attended.
8. Bayer gets chided for talking about the celebrities he's interviewed.
That was the extent of my knowledge, but it was enough. I quickly scrawled a script on the back of a grocery list. I didn't have much time. My voice is deep in the morning, but as the day passes it becomes higher pitched. If I wanted a convincing trailer, I would need to act quickly. I recorded the make-shift script.
Next, my plan was to improvise scenes from the show over the top of the music track the way a trailer would depict scenes from a movie, but as I listened to the track a melody suggested itself to me. I liked the melody. So I scrawled some lyrics on the back of the grocery list, just below the script I had written earlier. I sang the lyrics with the track. They fit nicely, but my voice would have to be affected in some way, to make it more real. I tried sounding like a black woman. It didn't work. I left it anyway.
I mixed and mastered the track, turned it into an mP3 and sent it off to the podcast. All of this without ever really thinking it through. All of it had taken maybe an hour, at the most.
I must admit, I'm a little embarrassed now. Oh well.
Here is the track.
If you can't get it to play, try This
Anyway, on the podcast they mentioned that they would like a new theme song. The one they have now is an indi-rock sort of thing with clever rhyming schemes. They still like it, they said, but they wanted a new song. I thought at the time that if for some reason a good idea for a theme song happened upon me that I might try my hand at penning a song for them. I knew when the thought came that I had no intention of allowing any ideas, good or bad, to happen upon me.
But, on the following Thursday, while "driving," I had an idea. Movie BS with Bayer and Snider is a movie show...what if the theme song were a faux movie trailer? Oh, snap. A good idea for a theme song.
The next morning I went to work. I quickly composed about four measures of creepy, exciting-ie music, and then I pushed a couple of buttons to create a dance-beat rhythm with accompaniment (all in the key of D, well, b minor and D). I recorded it. It was about a minute and ten seconds long. Now, I just needed words. I thought about the typical movie trailer. I knew that I would definitely need to start with "in a world where...", but which world?
It occurred to me that the world could be the podcast itself. I compiled a mental list of what I knew of the show. That list included the following items:
1. Bayer's Scorecard Review website had experienced some run ins with Twilight fans, so called Twi-hards.
2. Snider had famously written a piece entitled "I Was a Junket Whore" that had gotten him in trouble with a movie studio.
3. Snider wears glasses.
4. Bayer is very tall.
5. They talk about movies.
6. The show's name has the initials BS in it.
7. Snider is occasionally chided for talking about film festivals he's attended.
8. Bayer gets chided for talking about the celebrities he's interviewed.
That was the extent of my knowledge, but it was enough. I quickly scrawled a script on the back of a grocery list. I didn't have much time. My voice is deep in the morning, but as the day passes it becomes higher pitched. If I wanted a convincing trailer, I would need to act quickly. I recorded the make-shift script.
Next, my plan was to improvise scenes from the show over the top of the music track the way a trailer would depict scenes from a movie, but as I listened to the track a melody suggested itself to me. I liked the melody. So I scrawled some lyrics on the back of the grocery list, just below the script I had written earlier. I sang the lyrics with the track. They fit nicely, but my voice would have to be affected in some way, to make it more real. I tried sounding like a black woman. It didn't work. I left it anyway.
I mixed and mastered the track, turned it into an mP3 and sent it off to the podcast. All of this without ever really thinking it through. All of it had taken maybe an hour, at the most.
I must admit, I'm a little embarrassed now. Oh well.
Here is the track.
If you can't get it to play, try This
Thursday, March 31, 2011
It Makes (clap, clap, clap), No Sense (clap, clap, clap)!
I have a confession to make. Now, I realize that this confession is going to make me look weird, but here goes. I don't quite get cheerleading.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand what it is: leading cheers, I guess. Wait, that doesn't sound right, maybe I don't get it or understand what it is. Who are they leading into cheer? Maybe it's cheer itself that they are leading, if so, where are they taking it? Cheersaying, cheergiving, or cheermongering are probably more descriptive titles for what cheerleaders do. You've got to admit that announcing "the Cheermongers of such-and-such High School" sounds cool.
I'm pretty sure that I do understand cheerleading competitions, where squads compete with other squads by throwing tiny people in the air. That is easier to "get" because it is competition based on other things that we’re used to seeing in competition form, (i.e., gymnastics, dance, acrobatics, and chanting). Hmmm, excuse me for a moment while I daydream about chanting competitions...
SchmESPN Announcer: Welcome back to SchmESPN’s coverage of this year’s Chanting Competition.
Chanter: Pie jesu domine...
SchmESPN Announcer: (whisper) His form and technique are immaculate.
Chanter: ...dona eis recrefruum pft.
SchmESPN Announcer: Oh, he lost it! Too bad. That’ll cost him the gold.
It’s cheerleading at other sporting events that I don’t quite get. I mean no offense. I have known and really liked lots of cheerleaders. Generally speaking, cheerleaders—at least the former cheerleaders that I am personally acquainted with—are wonderful people. The “mean girl” stereotype that is perpetuated in teen-focused movies and television programs has not held up, in my experience. Still, I don’t understand it. What, exactly, is cheerleading trying to accomplish?
Cheerleaders stand in front of a crowd that has gathered to watch a sporting event. They generally have their backs to the game. They recite simple, repetitive, often ironic, poetry coupled with rudimentary choreography. Then, they jump around kicking and pumping their fists and thrusting their fingers into the air all-the-while wearing, you know, what they wear.
Why?
The most common argument is that they are working to get the crowd excited. Maybe I’m wrong, but isn’t that the game’s job? If the game is exciting then the crowd will be excited. If the game is not exciting, then the crowd will not be excited. This is true no matter how many times the cheer squad asks about the crowd’s collective spirit levels, or if they are ready and okay.
Another argument is that the cheer squad helps to motivate the team. Really? How? Does asking a player to “rebound that basketball” actually translate into someone rebounding that basketball? I'm not so sure that it does.
Cheer squad: Rebound that basketBALL!
Player: Wait, what did they say?
Cheer squad: Rebound that basketBALL!
Player: Oh yeah. I forgot. I should rebound that basketball.
Cheer squad: Yay!
If we have to have cheerleaders at all (yes, I said IF), I would like to go back to the original cheerleading—the kind from the 1920s where one guy was selected and given a sweater with a letter on it, which he wore with a bow tie and slacks. He was also issued an old-timey megaphone, through which he’d shout in a nasally, monophonic voice as he’d run up and down the stands expounding the virtues of fighting and winning and the stock market never crashing.
Old-timey cheerleader: We’re gonna fight, see?
Crowd: Hurrah!
Old-timey cheerleader: We’re gonna win, see?
Crowd: Hurray!
Old-timey cheerleader: The stock market is strong and a good place to put all of your money, see?
Crowd: HeeHaw!
Maybe this critique is a bit harsh. No doubt it takes talent to be a cheerleader. You have to have rhythm, a good memory, a positive attitude, some amount of athletic ability, etc. And, cheerleading provides an activity that beautiful people can participate in (something this world is in short supply of).
So, in order to help me better understand cheerleading, I have penned a cheer. Feel free to use it any time you or your team needs motivation and excitement.
Ready? O-Kay!
Schmelta is the team!
The team that has enough!
Enough of the right stuff! (Enough of the right stuff!)
Stuff to illicit screams!
Screams from other teams!
Those teams need salves and creams! (those teams need salves and creams)
Creamed is just about right!
Last rights!
It’s over goodnight.
I still don’t get it.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand what it is: leading cheers, I guess. Wait, that doesn't sound right, maybe I don't get it or understand what it is. Who are they leading into cheer? Maybe it's cheer itself that they are leading, if so, where are they taking it? Cheersaying, cheergiving, or cheermongering are probably more descriptive titles for what cheerleaders do. You've got to admit that announcing "the Cheermongers of such-and-such High School" sounds cool.
I'm pretty sure that I do understand cheerleading competitions, where squads compete with other squads by throwing tiny people in the air. That is easier to "get" because it is competition based on other things that we’re used to seeing in competition form, (i.e., gymnastics, dance, acrobatics, and chanting). Hmmm, excuse me for a moment while I daydream about chanting competitions...
SchmESPN Announcer: Welcome back to SchmESPN’s coverage of this year’s Chanting Competition.
Chanter: Pie jesu domine...
SchmESPN Announcer: (whisper) His form and technique are immaculate.
Chanter: ...dona eis recrefruum pft.
SchmESPN Announcer: Oh, he lost it! Too bad. That’ll cost him the gold.
It’s cheerleading at other sporting events that I don’t quite get. I mean no offense. I have known and really liked lots of cheerleaders. Generally speaking, cheerleaders—at least the former cheerleaders that I am personally acquainted with—are wonderful people. The “mean girl” stereotype that is perpetuated in teen-focused movies and television programs has not held up, in my experience. Still, I don’t understand it. What, exactly, is cheerleading trying to accomplish?
Cheerleaders stand in front of a crowd that has gathered to watch a sporting event. They generally have their backs to the game. They recite simple, repetitive, often ironic, poetry coupled with rudimentary choreography. Then, they jump around kicking and pumping their fists and thrusting their fingers into the air all-the-while wearing, you know, what they wear.
Why?
The most common argument is that they are working to get the crowd excited. Maybe I’m wrong, but isn’t that the game’s job? If the game is exciting then the crowd will be excited. If the game is not exciting, then the crowd will not be excited. This is true no matter how many times the cheer squad asks about the crowd’s collective spirit levels, or if they are ready and okay.
Another argument is that the cheer squad helps to motivate the team. Really? How? Does asking a player to “rebound that basketball” actually translate into someone rebounding that basketball? I'm not so sure that it does.
Cheer squad: Rebound that basketBALL!
Player: Wait, what did they say?
Cheer squad: Rebound that basketBALL!
Player: Oh yeah. I forgot. I should rebound that basketball.
Cheer squad: Yay!
If we have to have cheerleaders at all (yes, I said IF), I would like to go back to the original cheerleading—the kind from the 1920s where one guy was selected and given a sweater with a letter on it, which he wore with a bow tie and slacks. He was also issued an old-timey megaphone, through which he’d shout in a nasally, monophonic voice as he’d run up and down the stands expounding the virtues of fighting and winning and the stock market never crashing.
Old-timey cheerleader: We’re gonna fight, see?
Crowd: Hurrah!
Old-timey cheerleader: We’re gonna win, see?
Crowd: Hurray!
Old-timey cheerleader: The stock market is strong and a good place to put all of your money, see?
Crowd: HeeHaw!
Maybe this critique is a bit harsh. No doubt it takes talent to be a cheerleader. You have to have rhythm, a good memory, a positive attitude, some amount of athletic ability, etc. And, cheerleading provides an activity that beautiful people can participate in (something this world is in short supply of).
So, in order to help me better understand cheerleading, I have penned a cheer. Feel free to use it any time you or your team needs motivation and excitement.
Ready? O-Kay!
Schmelta is the team!
The team that has enough!
Enough of the right stuff! (Enough of the right stuff!)
Stuff to illicit screams!
Screams from other teams!
Those teams need salves and creams! (those teams need salves and creams)
Creamed is just about right!
Last rights!
It’s over goodnight.
I still don’t get it.
Monday, March 14, 2011
GRAMA's House Bill is Outrageous!
The state of Schmutah just finished it's annual legislative session. One of the things that passed through the bowels and/or bladder of the legislative process was a bill that limits access to public records. It specifically makes text messages of state personnel and officials un-accessible, it does other things too. It is being panned by media outlets nation wide as an anti-open-government bill.
To defend the measure, legislators site how local media groups (mostly TV "investigative reporters") have been spending a lot of their time recently getting records from public agencies in order to uncover some malfeasance, "witch hunts" was one of the terms used to describe it. You'll remember trinket-gate. State agencies were spending dozens of tax payer dollars buying cheaply made trinkets to give away at career fairs! I'll never forget the ominous music underlying the grainy, close-up shot of the three-inch, foam hard hat. Scary stuff.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I am a state employee and I personally have a state-issued cellular phone device AND have given away cheaply made trinkets at career fairs, including three-inch, foam hard hats.
Also, the text messages that are on my state-owned phone would be among those that would be protected by this law. I feel a lot of guilt about hiding these text messages from media sources, what with the content of the messages being state property and all. In order to rectify this situation, I am going to list all of the text messages in my cell phone queue (names have been changed--except for one guy whose name is Danny).
I will list them in order from oldest to most recent.
I will label each message with an I or an O. I=incoming (meaning someone sent it to me); O=outgoing (I sent it).
Where needed, I will use [brackets] to provide context, which is a major up-grade from those GRAMA-requested, no-context messages that the media is always clamoring for.
Now, let us begin.
I: Were you able to connect with Rod?
I: Were you able to connect with Rod?
O: You must have the wrong number.
I: It's already packed :) [I do not remember the context of this message.]
O: Did you find your PJs? [I do remember this context and it's none of your business]
O: alskdfnaoicvnaoisdnflq;werlfnasdncvoaidnf aosdfnqwoeinfadovnascandifadlfo [outgoing message courtesy of my 3-year-old daughter, Kitty]
I: I'd like to send you messages using HeyTell click here to sign up.[Spam text]
O: Dootdoodoot dooodoo dooodoo...Square One!
I: LOL! I forgot about square one.
I: Danny? [apparently a man named Danny used to have my phone number, he still gets a good number of texts, I usually ignore them]
I: Salt City Burger Co.: Get $5 off when your guest check is over $15 at Salt City Burger. Reply STOP to cancel. [Spam text, probably set up by Danny]
O: STOP
I: All...Schmeve Schmayne (old Bishop) is moving this Sat at 9 AM any help you can render would be much appreciated.
O: Did you guys end up taking the foosball table? Buffy wants it if you guys don't.
I: U can come play it any time ud like :) hahahaha.
I: EQ temple day tomorrow 530 am meet at church south parking lot by Bishop's door.
I: Danny, Long time no communication. I hope all is well for u. Question for u. Do u work for American Express? Schmott
O: Wrong numbwe, not Danny. [yes, I misspelled number as numbwe]
O: Schmrent, have you heard back about your job interview with traffic?
O: Two sick kids, wife has appts this morning. I'll be in after lunch if that's ok.
I: Hi professor Schmurdock, Schmack Schmoffet here, I'm in your HRM class tonight and I was out last week. I just wanted to see if I missed important info on a take home test that I heard rumor of. Thanks!
There you have it. Open and fair government at its finest.
To defend the measure, legislators site how local media groups (mostly TV "investigative reporters") have been spending a lot of their time recently getting records from public agencies in order to uncover some malfeasance, "witch hunts" was one of the terms used to describe it. You'll remember trinket-gate. State agencies were spending dozens of tax payer dollars buying cheaply made trinkets to give away at career fairs! I'll never forget the ominous music underlying the grainy, close-up shot of the three-inch, foam hard hat. Scary stuff.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I am a state employee and I personally have a state-issued cellular phone device AND have given away cheaply made trinkets at career fairs, including three-inch, foam hard hats.
Also, the text messages that are on my state-owned phone would be among those that would be protected by this law. I feel a lot of guilt about hiding these text messages from media sources, what with the content of the messages being state property and all. In order to rectify this situation, I am going to list all of the text messages in my cell phone queue (names have been changed--except for one guy whose name is Danny).
I will list them in order from oldest to most recent.
I will label each message with an I or an O. I=incoming (meaning someone sent it to me); O=outgoing (I sent it).
Where needed, I will use [brackets] to provide context, which is a major up-grade from those GRAMA-requested, no-context messages that the media is always clamoring for.
Now, let us begin.
I: Were you able to connect with Rod?
I: Were you able to connect with Rod?
O: You must have the wrong number.
I: It's already packed :) [I do not remember the context of this message.]
O: Did you find your PJs? [I do remember this context and it's none of your business]
O: alskdfnaoicvnaoisdnflq;werlfnasdncvoaidnf aosdfnqwoeinfadovnascandifadlfo [outgoing message courtesy of my 3-year-old daughter, Kitty]
I: I'd like to send you messages using HeyTell click here to sign up.[Spam text]
O: Dootdoodoot dooodoo dooodoo...Square One!
I: LOL! I forgot about square one.
I: Danny? [apparently a man named Danny used to have my phone number, he still gets a good number of texts, I usually ignore them]
I: Salt City Burger Co.: Get $5 off when your guest check is over $15 at Salt City Burger. Reply STOP to cancel. [Spam text, probably set up by Danny]
O: STOP
I: All...Schmeve Schmayne (old Bishop) is moving this Sat at 9 AM any help you can render would be much appreciated.
O: Did you guys end up taking the foosball table? Buffy wants it if you guys don't.
I: U can come play it any time ud like :) hahahaha.
I: EQ temple day tomorrow 530 am meet at church south parking lot by Bishop's door.
I: Danny, Long time no communication. I hope all is well for u. Question for u. Do u work for American Express? Schmott
O: Wrong numbwe, not Danny. [yes, I misspelled number as numbwe]
O: Schmrent, have you heard back about your job interview with traffic?
O: Two sick kids, wife has appts this morning. I'll be in after lunch if that's ok.
I: Hi professor Schmurdock, Schmack Schmoffet here, I'm in your HRM class tonight and I was out last week. I just wanted to see if I missed important info on a take home test that I heard rumor of. Thanks!
There you have it. Open and fair government at its finest.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Support Your Favorite Candy-date!
In honor of President's Day I have imagined a world where candidates for office may create slogans only in candy bar poster form.
Here are some of the possibilities:
Vote for me, I’m a Big Hunk of burning political love!
Don’t vote for Hershey’s a Nut Roll!
100 Grandma’s agree, you should vote for me!
The branches of government are not listening to each other. These 3 Musketeers to hear, or nothing will be accomplished!
I can prevent a double-[Fun] Dip Reese’session!
A Starburst on the scene and he’d like your vote!
Rolover current politician, there is a new candidate in town!
I am independent! I stand ‘Twixt the left and the right!
It doesn’t matter Worther’s you like him or not, he’ll work for you!
The incumbent is okay, Butterfingers are in the wallets of American workers!
Ring Pops and tell him to vote for me!
The other guy has his Snickers in a bunch!
My opponent is Nutrageous! I’m Mentosly stable.
Raise the roof! Because Raisinets a good thing to do!
And finally: Nerds (I’m looking at you Mike & Ike), If you don’t vote for me, you’re all Goobers!
Here are some of the possibilities:
Vote for me, I’m a Big Hunk of burning political love!
Don’t vote for Hershey’s a Nut Roll!
100 Grandma’s agree, you should vote for me!
The branches of government are not listening to each other. These 3 Musketeers to hear, or nothing will be accomplished!
I can prevent a double-[Fun] Dip Reese’session!
A Starburst on the scene and he’d like your vote!
Rolover current politician, there is a new candidate in town!
I am independent! I stand ‘Twixt the left and the right!
It doesn’t matter Worther’s you like him or not, he’ll work for you!
The incumbent is okay, Butterfingers are in the wallets of American workers!
Ring Pops and tell him to vote for me!
The other guy has his Snickers in a bunch!
My opponent is Nutrageous! I’m Mentosly stable.
Raise the roof! Because Raisinets a good thing to do!
And finally: Nerds (I’m looking at you Mike & Ike), If you don’t vote for me, you’re all Goobers!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day on the Ice Planet Hoth
It's meant to be a rudimentary replica of an Imperial Walker (or AT AT) as seen in the Star Wars franchise, specifically, The Empire Strikes Back.
We were quite proud of ourselves.
Monday, February 7, 2011
PBS (pure butter spray)
I keep an ideas notebook in my mindflaps where I take notes of ideas. Some of the ideas are for awesome inventions like: mindflaps and ideas notebooks! Other ideas include topics that I can write about either here or in other writing places (e.g., bathroom stalls, bedroom walls, and other people's foreheads). Every once in a while I get out that notebook and look at those ideas that I have been keeping. This time a couple of them stood out to me: PBS television and butter spray. I would like to say a few words about each.
Of course, we will begin with butter spray (I dedicate this section to all things Schmahn).
Well, actually, it's official name is I Can't Believe it's Not Butter spray. You may remember the I Can't Believe it's Not Butter products from their 1990's ad campaigns where couples showed varying degrees of belief that they were or were not eating from a tub of butter. Then, the good people at ICBINB invented a process which allowed them to harness the awesome power of suspending human belief about butter in a spray. For advertising purposes they, of course, added Fabio. Fabio's job was to say in a very thick where-ever-Fabio's-from accent, "spray."
Now, there is something about being able to spray butter-ish liquid that diminishes the suspended belief that non-butter butters create in the consumer. No one, living in reality, would ever use the following sentence, "I can't believe it's not butter spray!"
Why, you ask? Because butter spray is not a thing that one believes in. As far as I know, no one has invented butter spray made from butter. Butter milk, sure. Butter spray, no. So, not believing that something sprayed out of a pump action, non-aerosol, hair-spray-type bottle is not a thing that doesn't exist is crazy. Almost as crazy as the use of triple negative in sentence you just read. The product's real title probably aught to be one of the following:
I Can't Believe it's Not Hairspray
or
I Can Believe it's Not Butter
or
I Don't Believe it's Butter, Because It Isn't
or
I Can't Believe I Spray This on Things I Used to Put Butter On
Now that we have it labeled correctly, have you ever tried it? It is awesome. Try it today. Right now. You won't be able to believe it. It will suspend your belief about butter-related things. Our butter universe changed in the 1990s and many of us didn't believe it, but we should have.
Now, let's move on to PBS Television. I have fallen in love with nerd TV (no offense to the nerds reading this posting through their coke-bottle lenses). Specifically, I have fallen in love with the BBC offerings that PBS Television airs on the weekends, which means I am a female nerd. My favorite: Lark Rise to Candleford. Please, watch it, it is wonderful, then we can talk about it (while laugh-snorting, taking puffs from our inhalers, and speaking in the elfin tongue).
Other great PBS/BBC shows: Downton Abbey, Lost in Austen, Sherlock, and Doc Martin (and that is just the scripted stuff).
Of course, we will begin with butter spray (I dedicate this section to all things Schmahn).
Well, actually, it's official name is I Can't Believe it's Not Butter spray. You may remember the I Can't Believe it's Not Butter products from their 1990's ad campaigns where couples showed varying degrees of belief that they were or were not eating from a tub of butter. Then, the good people at ICBINB invented a process which allowed them to harness the awesome power of suspending human belief about butter in a spray. For advertising purposes they, of course, added Fabio. Fabio's job was to say in a very thick where-ever-Fabio's-from accent, "spray."
Now, there is something about being able to spray butter-ish liquid that diminishes the suspended belief that non-butter butters create in the consumer. No one, living in reality, would ever use the following sentence, "I can't believe it's not butter spray!"
Why, you ask? Because butter spray is not a thing that one believes in. As far as I know, no one has invented butter spray made from butter. Butter milk, sure. Butter spray, no. So, not believing that something sprayed out of a pump action, non-aerosol, hair-spray-type bottle is not a thing that doesn't exist is crazy. Almost as crazy as the use of triple negative in sentence you just read. The product's real title probably aught to be one of the following:
I Can't Believe it's Not Hairspray
or
I Can Believe it's Not Butter
or
I Don't Believe it's Butter, Because It Isn't
or
I Can't Believe I Spray This on Things I Used to Put Butter On
Now that we have it labeled correctly, have you ever tried it? It is awesome. Try it today. Right now. You won't be able to believe it. It will suspend your belief about butter-related things. Our butter universe changed in the 1990s and many of us didn't believe it, but we should have.
Now, let's move on to PBS Television. I have fallen in love with nerd TV (no offense to the nerds reading this posting through their coke-bottle lenses). Specifically, I have fallen in love with the BBC offerings that PBS Television airs on the weekends, which means I am a female nerd. My favorite: Lark Rise to Candleford. Please, watch it, it is wonderful, then we can talk about it (while laugh-snorting, taking puffs from our inhalers, and speaking in the elfin tongue).
Other great PBS/BBC shows: Downton Abbey, Lost in Austen, Sherlock, and Doc Martin (and that is just the scripted stuff).
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