Have a Seat

Hey, y'all,

It's been a while since we've talked.  Do you have a minute?  Good.  Have a seat. Yes, I know you're already sitting.  I just wanted to give you this chair.  I want you to have this seat.  No, you won't have to take it anywhere.  Let's just leave it where it is, but both of us will know it's yours now.  Good.  You now have a seat.

Can I tell you a quick story?  No?  Why?  No time for stories? Why, then, did you take my seat?  I want that seat to belong to a person who has leisure time. No, no, it's yours.  I can't take it back now, your ownership is all over it. 

It's okay, I'm not sad.  It's just been a stressful day, and now I own one fewer chair than I did just a minute ago.  Well, where I come from the number of chairs one owns establishes that person's status.  Why do you think I offered you a seat?  I was just being polite.  You didn't have to take it.  I have never actually taken a seat when offered one.  It's kind of rude.  No, no, I don't want the seat back. 

I can't take it back.  Please don't have me arrested.  I can't take it back from you; you are a very powerful seat owner that has so many chairs that you've even got one at my house. Yes, I know I just gave it to you, but your status has changed.  You're way better than me now.  I am your serf, taking care of your property, and I'm grateful for the opportunity.

What?  NO!  It's too much.  I can't just be granted ownership of all of the seats in your house.  That is the most generous offer anyone has ever made, but I couldn't.  Oh, please don't insist.  Well, okay.  I will accept your seats.  I am humbled. 

Ok.  Now that I own all of your seats, I need you to send them over to my house.  I am taking your seats.  They are mine and I demand that you relinquish your seats to me!  All of them: past, present, and future!  How dare you refuse me?  I could have you imprisoned for such insubordination!

I'm sorry.  I've not been the most benevolent dictator.  Although ownership of your seats gives me full control over your life and property, I have behaved rudely.  I will appoint you to a council position in one of my seat properties.  Let's see, my vast empire of seats stretches from my house to your house. 

Ah, I have it!  You will sit on the council governing the toilets at your home.  What?  Don't you need to sit on a toilet from time to time?  Well, I have granted you access as chair of the toilet council.  How dare you!  Yes, I know I said "how dare you" once before, but I don't know how you keep daring.  I have the power to revoke your privileges for both numbers 1 and 2, so mind your Ps and Qs.  Ha ha!  That's funny--you know what the P stands for, but what about the Q.  Clever.  Oh, I can never stay mad at you, my humble companion and servant.

What's that?   You're ready for my story now?  Ok.  Have a seat and I'll...oh you clever sprite.  I see what you've done.  You just tricked me into offering you a seat.  And, I fell for it!  Oh, don't deny it.  You are a crafty little wizard.  Well, I suppose this means we are back on equal ground.

Now, about that story...

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