Hi. Happy new year, etc.
I've been thinking about the musical The Sound of Music this morning. What if the main character's name was actually Marie? And, what if the song How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? was punctuated as follows?:
"How do you solve a problem like Marie? Uh..." As if the singer of the song was taking a moment to think about it. "...How do you find the word that means Marie? Uh... flibidigibit, uh... will-of-a-wisp, uh...clown?"
Speaking of the name Marie, I miss the Marie Calendars restaurants that closed down last year.
Speaking of calendars and years, does everyone know that according to the Mayans, this year is the last of the years? When they were building the Mayan calender they stopped on December 21, 2012. The only reason that I can think of for a calendar to stop so abruptly is, you know, the end of days. That is the only reason. There is no other explanation. None.
I imagine the manager of the calendar makers coming into the meeting where the design squad was finishing up the blueprints for the new Mayan calendar. It may have gone a little something like this:
Manager: Hey! Nice work, guys...and Xochi. I'll just take this and show it to the Mayan CEO and get his approval on our work.
Designer: Our work?
Manager: Yes, correct. Hey wait! Why does it stop here?
Designer: Um. We figured that sometime between now and a thousand years from now or so we could design a new one that would take over when this one ends.
Manager: Hmm. Well, we'll see what the Senior Leaders say. Why December 21, 2012? Why not just finish out the year? It's like, you know, just adding ten days.
Designer: What is this December you speak of?
Manager: You know, the last month of the year.
Designer: Well, we ended it on the shortest day of the year, which seems like a good day for ending things calendar-wise. It's the first day of winter and all. [looking at other designers] We're in the Norther Hemisphere, right? [they nod] Yeah, I stand by what I just said. So, anyway, you want us to end the calendar ten days after that?
Manager: Yeah, duh. Doesn't everyone do it that way?
Designer: Why would they? It seems really random?
Manager: [passive aggressively] Oh, I guess you're right. It is random. Kind of like scheduling the end of days for the 21st of December, 2012. It's like, pick a day, any day.
Designer: You realize that this calendar holds no special power, right? Just because it ends doesn't mean that there will be no more days.
Manager: Ah, and there is the rub. Without a way to measure them, there can be no days. When days on the calendar end, it will literally be the end of days.
Designer: ...for this calendar, I guess.
Manager: And, if the calendar has no more days, then who am I to have more days?
Designer: Well, you'll be long dead.
Manager: What? Why? Why would you make a calendar that has power to end days and make it outlive me? Are you gunning for my job?
Scene
Happy last New Year. May the impending apocalypse be kind to you and yours, and best wishes for the upcoming end of days!
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