Often (frequently) Orphaned (a person who has lost his parents)

Mom died a year ago, today. I wish she hadn't.

Dad died eleven-and-a-half years before that. Although not technically true, I liked to say that Dad's death left me a bastard child, and now Mom's departure has left me an orphan.  Thirty-nine-year-old orphans have very little chance of being adopted.  They won't even consider my application for Wednesday's child.

Luckily, I've been able to avoid the cops well enough to not have to go to an orphanage.  But, living on the streets has taken its toll.  My cap is just about worn out and once it's gone, I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to collect the shillings that people give me to stay alive.  I might have to join with other orphans--I do have seven siblings, all of which are also orphans--and orchestrate elaborate pick-pocketing schemes.  I used to have eight siblings, but my brother Jack was given the sweet release of death, which allowed him to avoid orphan-hood altogether, the lucky bastard!

I might be able to get on at the Trib as a newsie, which would mean I'd go around selling papes.  We call them papes because we're too lazy to say paper.  That second syllable takes a lot out of you. There is this kid that I'd be working with, who uses a crutch to help him walk.  We call him Crutchy because we're very creative.  I think the nickname is either based on his use of kindness and humor as an emotional crutch or because of the crutch he uses.

A dog started following me around a while back.  He's has light, brownish-tan fur, almost the color of sand.  Like sand you'd find at the beach--sandy colored, I guess you'd say .  I named him Beachy. Some dog catchers were after him, so I hid him while he was on the lamb.  The lamb didn't stand a chance against Beachy.  We all ate really well that night.  Mmmm....mutton, which is what we call stuff we find in the dumpsters behind restaurants.

My wife and kids, who are not orphans, are helpful in keeping me fed and clothed.  Maybe they will adopt me one day. If only I could get on the radio and sing about tomorrow.

In other news: I miss Mom and Dad.